Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Be Postive! Be Positive! Be Positive!

Today is a very negative day. I can't even begin to type the amount of negativity that has entered my little brain today. I suppose I'm just hitting a rut... and I really do know that "this too shall pass."

I am entering the last 8 weeks of this pregnancy and sadly I feel "misery" set in about 2 weeks ago. I feel like that purple girl from the original Charlie & The Chocolate Factory... and my dear sweet belly still has so much growing yet to do! My legs keep cramping up, my siatic nerve shocks me every now and again, oh and have I mentioned restless leg syndrome? My back is aching every second of the day (and yes I'm seeing a chiropractor regularly), my mind is going... what's the word... "bye bye", I'm constantly tired and fatigued, I can literally feel my pelvic bone beginning to shift which is the most horrible pain right now. If I sit too long then I get up and walk like I'm 100 years old and yet if I stand too long then I feel like I'm going to collapse to the floor. I have no energy... none whatsoever... not even on a good day. Whatever happened to that final "nesting phase"???

To make matters worse, Doug has recently started a job that is 2 hours away... a very big and financially important job mind you. His foreman recently quit which means Doug will need to be there almost every day helping out his employees. This job is supposed to end roughly around the exact time that Carter is due... however progress has been very slow on the job and I'm now worried that his late nights will continue longer then the next 2 months.

Although school has started for Isaac, his energy level has remained quite high... especially on his days off. He still continues to enjoy making his little sister cry... but she's not so innocent- she cries even when he brushes up against her; little stink. Isaac craves constant attention and entertainment, which I am really struggling to offer in my current state of woe.

Bella... oh sweet Bella... is taking on so many aspects of Isaac's "wild" personality. She has begun to bounce of the walls (sometimes literally). Her desired place of rest is in my arms which is not quite so easy with a giant belly in the way.

Being a housewife: over on my sidebar it says under "About Me" that I love what I do. Oh boy, I must have typed that little tid bit at a high point of this pregnancy. I stare at my laundry in disgust along with the dishes in the sink. The floors covered in dog hair, bloodhound drool, crumbs, dirt, and who knows what just makes me cringe. The unmade beds... well those just stay unmade lately. The bathrooms; the 4 bathrooms- yea I'm not going there... just let me say 2 males in the house make me want to stay away from those areas. Overall I just don't want to think about anything that deals with being a housewife. Sad huh?

Okay- so whats the point of me posting all my negativity? I guess simply to get it out... I'm not looking for anyone's pity or even for offers of assistance. I got myself where I am and I can get myself out of this rut. Sometimes it's just nice to wallow in my own self pity... but what I know I need to remember is "Count your blessings... name them one by one." I know that if I can focus on the positive a little more then the negative things just won't seem as important. I just need to keep telling myself to BE POSITIVE. And I promise you- I will do my best.

I have SO many things to be grateful for... even relating to the things that are currently bringing me down.

1. This pregnancy is a blessing. After having 2 miscarriages, I feel so blessed that my Heavenly Father has given me this opportunity to carry another baby. I am a woman who can concieve and carry a child in my own womb.

2. My husband HAS a job. A stable job. A job that is able to support us financially in all aspects. A job that allows him to come home in the evening and on the weekends.

3. My son is healthy. He does not have any severe illness or diseases. He has all of his limbs and all of his senses. He has energy that so many sick children lack. He is amazingly intelligent.

4. My daughter is all of the above as well. She is also still a little child who adores me... she's far from being that teenager who wants nothing to do with her mother. She is a daughter- something I never really thought I'd have marrying a man with 6 brothers.

5. I HAVE a home. An extremely nice home. I have the finances to buy clothing that we need and even desire. I have warmth in the winter and AC in the summer.

Now I challenge each of you to think of 5 things that you are grateful for and either post them under my comments or in your own blog. Thanks for reading yet another insanely long post!


jamie said...

the almost funny thing is that i have been wallowing myself lately and trying to tell myself to be postive be postive so today i decided i needed to be grateful so i typed a list of things i was grateful for to try and just focus on those -anyhow -i am not as brave as you i still feel the need to contain all my emotion in myself and deal with it that way-so i just saved my post to draft anyhow and then i read yours -and so as sorry as i am for you -it is nice to know that occassionally i am not the only person in the world who has to try and remind themself of how lucky they are-so thanks for sharing with everyone -because it really helped me-and plus i am glad it worked out with your husbands job

Jenny Ramsey said...

you know how they have those little shrimps in fish tanks that eat all the algae? i wish i could send you something really useful, like a dish eating carp.
you are so amazing and you bless the lives of so many people inside your family and outside of it. i am only one of MANY.
hang in there and remember that it is okay to be grumpy sometimes! :)

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