Sunday, September 28, 2008
Posted by Tenille at 8:35 AM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Posted by Tenille at 12:34 PM
Friday, September 19, 2008
Posted by Tenille at 7:32 PM
Posted by Tenille at 7:32 PM
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Posted by Tenille at 10:27 AM
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Today is a very negative day. I can't even begin to type the amount of negativity that has entered my little brain today. I suppose I'm just hitting a rut... and I really do know that "this too shall pass."
I am entering the last 8 weeks of this pregnancy and sadly I feel "misery" set in about 2 weeks ago. I feel like that purple girl from the original Charlie & The Chocolate Factory... and my dear sweet belly still has so much growing yet to do! My legs keep cramping up, my siatic nerve shocks me every now and again, oh and have I mentioned restless leg syndrome? My back is aching every second of the day (and yes I'm seeing a chiropractor regularly), my mind is going... what's the word... "bye bye", I'm constantly tired and fatigued, I can literally feel my pelvic bone beginning to shift which is the most horrible pain right now. If I sit too long then I get up and walk like I'm 100 years old and yet if I stand too long then I feel like I'm going to collapse to the floor. I have no energy... none whatsoever... not even on a good day. Whatever happened to that final "nesting phase"???
To make matters worse, Doug has recently started a job that is 2 hours away... a very big and financially important job mind you. His foreman recently quit which means Doug will need to be there almost every day helping out his employees. This job is supposed to end roughly around the exact time that Carter is due... however progress has been very slow on the job and I'm now worried that his late nights will continue longer then the next 2 months.
Although school has started for Isaac, his energy level has remained quite high... especially on his days off. He still continues to enjoy making his little sister cry... but she's not so innocent- she cries even when he brushes up against her; little stink. Isaac craves constant attention and entertainment, which I am really struggling to offer in my current state of woe.
Bella... oh sweet Bella... is taking on so many aspects of Isaac's "wild" personality. She has begun to bounce of the walls (sometimes literally). Her desired place of rest is in my arms which is not quite so easy with a giant belly in the way.
Being a housewife: over on my sidebar it says under "About Me" that I love what I do. Oh boy, I must have typed that little tid bit at a high point of this pregnancy. I stare at my laundry in disgust along with the dishes in the sink. The floors covered in dog hair, bloodhound drool, crumbs, dirt, and who knows what just makes me cringe. The unmade beds... well those just stay unmade lately. The bathrooms; the 4 bathrooms- yea I'm not going there... just let me say 2 males in the house make me want to stay away from those areas. Overall I just don't want to think about anything that deals with being a housewife. Sad huh?
Okay- so whats the point of me posting all my negativity? I guess simply to get it out... I'm not looking for anyone's pity or even for offers of assistance. I got myself where I am and I can get myself out of this rut. Sometimes it's just nice to wallow in my own self pity... but what I know I need to remember is "Count your blessings... name them one by one." I know that if I can focus on the positive a little more then the negative things just won't seem as important. I just need to keep telling myself to BE POSITIVE. And I promise you- I will do my best.
I have SO many things to be grateful for... even relating to the things that are currently bringing me down.
1. This pregnancy is a blessing. After having 2 miscarriages, I feel so blessed that my Heavenly Father has given me this opportunity to carry another baby. I am a woman who can concieve and carry a child in my own womb.
2. My husband HAS a job. A stable job. A job that is able to support us financially in all aspects. A job that allows him to come home in the evening and on the weekends.
3. My son is healthy. He does not have any severe illness or diseases. He has all of his limbs and all of his senses. He has energy that so many sick children lack. He is amazingly intelligent.
4. My daughter is all of the above as well. She is also still a little child who adores me... she's far from being that teenager who wants nothing to do with her mother. She is a daughter- something I never really thought I'd have marrying a man with 6 brothers.
5. I HAVE a home. An extremely nice home. I have the finances to buy clothing that we need and even desire. I have warmth in the winter and AC in the summer.
Now I challenge each of you to think of 5 things that you are grateful for and either post them under my comments or in your own blog. Thanks for reading yet another insanely long post!
Posted by Tenille at 5:47 PM
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Posted by Tenille at 1:59 PM
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Posted by Tenille at 5:42 PM
Friday, September 5, 2008
Of course little Bella wanted to be in the pictures as well. She seemed just as excited as Isaac. In fact when we were heading outside at the end of the day to get Isaac off of the bus she kept saying "My turn now". Poor little girl has quite a ways to go before she's heading off to big kid school.
Posted by Tenille at 1:03 PM
Where do I start? I'm just not quite sure... I believe my tear ducts will be completely dried up by the time I have this baby. For the last month now I have spent many nights crying (typically around 4:30am). I no longer know what to do and am hopeful that some of you may be able to give me your advice.
Isaac has been waking up at least twice a night wanting to come into our room to sleep or wanting Doug or myself to sleep with him in his room. Many nights he claims he's scared and so we of course talk calmly to him, explaining that things are okay and there's nothing to be afraid of. We snuggle him, give him hugs and kisses, leave the bathroom light on, and make sure he has his teddy bear "Sammy". This all usually occurs around 12:30am. Then roughly 2 hours later he wakes up again and comes to our bedroom door. This time we tell him to go back to bed that everything is okay- he cries and does not stop crying. Not only does he cry but he screams at the top of his lungs. Finally we get up and take him back into his room, get him in bed- this is when he claims that something hurts (his head, his eyes, his knee, his foot, his neck, his back... occasionally he will go through all these things in one night). Eventually he falls back asleep only to wake up again at about 4:30am. This is where I lose it. I'm exhausted. This pregnancy is so physically draining on me and I desperatly need sleep to survive during the day. It's rare for Doug to get up with Isaac at night (unless I'm drowning in tears) because he gets up early for work. (And he really needs his sleep considering he operates heavy machinery and drives long hours).
So 4:30am rolls around and the crying and screaming begins again. This time I'm no longer able to be the nice mom. (Which of course I know doesn't help). So I try a little love and logic, giving him choices. "Would you like to go to sleep in your bed with the bathroom light on or sleep in your bed with the light off?" OR "Would you like to sleep with a warm blanket or be cold at night?". Let me tell you- Love and Logic just does not work with this kid. So then I result in threatening to take things away (teddy bear, pillow, blanket, favorite toys for the week)... and then I actually do take those things away. Think it works? Nope! He continues to get up several times every night crying, screaming, wanting to sleep in our room (and not only in our room on the floor but in our room in our bed).
I suppose I should also explain to you that little Bella sleeps in our room. However she sleeps in her toddler bed next to me (our goal is to get her into her room... another task I'm so not looking forward to!) So when all of this is happening with Isaac- well you can only guess, Bella wakes up crying. So not only am I dealing with one child who will not sleep- but it is almost always two!
Last night was the cake topper- I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I was furious, exhausted, frustrated, and just a mess. We took the advice of a few family members and chose to lock our door after he came in the 2nd time (this being 4:30am). We don't actually have a lock though so Doug pushed our dresser up against the door. Supposedly, according to these family members- he'd probably go back into his bed and cry himself to sleep, or fall asleep by the door crying... something of that sort. Yea- that is so not what happened. From 4:30am until 6:ooam (the time Doug left for work) Isaac chose to stand outside our bedroom door screaming, crying, beating the door with his fists, then talking calmly, back to crying and screaming (telling us to wake up, get out of bed), even attempting to scream out Bella's name a few times to get her up so I would come and yell at him (thus getting me out of bed- his ultimate goal). For the first 45 minutes or so we would keep telling him to go to bed that we were all trying to sleep. Then the last 30 minutes we just ignored him. This resulted in him throwing the laundry basket down the stairs and chucking his big fan at our bedroom door over and over until finally it was time for Doug to get up anyhow. I sent him to his room for the next 30 minutes, Doug headed off to work, and then I had him clean up the mess he made in the hallway.
So now here I sit at the computer- it is 7:30am and we have all been up since 4:30am (even little Bella). Isaac has lost his favorite toys to play with (basically his only toys he ever plays with) and has lost snack priveledges as well. However I know that when this evening rolls around- I will more then likely be laying in my bed covered in tears because it will all happen again just as it has every night for the past month.
I truley love Isaac with all of my heart. There are many many moments in our lives that he brings laughter into the room. He's one of the smartest 5 year olds I've ever known. He's adorable and full of sooooo much energy. He has the most amazing imagination and has the craziest stories to tell. I wouldn't trade him for the world- but this night time thing... well, it's killing me. I need to find a way to get some sleep before this baby comes or I'm afraid I'll experience Post Partum Depression all over again. So please send your advice my way! I'll try just about anything at this point. Thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long post!!!
Posted by Tenille at 7:15 AM